You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Congratulations! We have a period
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
