The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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