Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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