I CAN MOONWALK!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
