Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
