mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
