I have demons in me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
