we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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