Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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