He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
