you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
