I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
