So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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