He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
