hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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