I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
