Don't you send me to vm
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
