Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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