dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
