so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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