I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
