Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
