i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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