My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
