i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
