I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
