we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
two words...techno handjob
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
