You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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