There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
