I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think my vagina is haunted
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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