Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
