Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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