I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
