she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
