I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
