Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
