I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
