I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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