I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
