What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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