The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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