i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
