just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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