I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
