We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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