you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
