she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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