The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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