Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
