you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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